Dirty Dishes
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Now you can see my butt.  Now you can't see my butt.  Now you can see my butt.  Now you can't see my butt.  I love my butt.  Do you love my Butt.  Please look at my Butt.  But not too long.  If you look at my butt for too long it will drive you insane--it's like looking into the one glorious brown eye of God.  Yes, that's it.  Salivate.  Worship at the Temple of My Butt.  My Elusive, Elusive butt.  It's like butter in your hands---melting, melting, fleeting, oh so brief--leaving you wanting more--in hell.  No.  Don't.  My butt is gone and you are crushed I now.  It was like seeing heavan for one all too brief of an instant and having it snatched away from you--and to be thrust into hell by the hands of an angry Gawd.  Ah, but look.  Could it be?  COULD IT BE?  Dare You Believe It?  Could You be So Lucky?  Yes.  Yes.  Yes, you are.  My butt, my glorious, glorious blue butt is back.  And you are satisfied.  But, only briefly.  For my butt is not for your eyes only.  My butt is for the world.  A butt of my magnitude can't be kept selfishly in a box....I must let it shine, shine, shine.  and Shine it will.  Oh yes, it will shine.  And it's light shall be as mighty as the Seven Seas!

I'm coming, Jesus fuckin' Christ.

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You need to stop drinking so early in the day.  Take for instance, my uncle Earl.  Earl used to drink like you.  Stuff on the internet blurin' all the time.  You know what happened to Uncle Earl Don't  ya.  I knew you did.  Bwaaaahahahahah.  Go Speed Racer!


Hello.  I'm Ms. Swa-higgins.  I've always wanted my son to marry a woman with a pristine ass.  I think he has done me proud.  Why, I believe that his new wife has one of the nicest asses I've ever seen.  He's done me proud.  Why, I always had a beautiful ass myself.  And it's still fair to middlin'.  Why, Doc Corgan likens my ass to a ripe plum--he's says he looks more forward to giving me my rectal exam than any of the other rectal exams he gives in any given day.  He even said he would rather give me my rectal exam than squeeze Widow Smith's Dirty Pillows.  Yes, I think my new dauther in law has an even finer ass than the incredible edible ass on the blue guy that runs around in a circle...wait...what's that....could it be....a hemroid....no...NO NO....GOD NO....not on my son's wife....Stop <cough>  Stop<cough>  someone stop this wedding.

(First Leave yr. browser over the above picture)

What you have just read was a fictional account of a potentially fatal death. Had this, God Forbid, been a real situation, would you have known what to do? If not, you need to call 1-800-saveMsSwa-higgins. Her live could depend on it.

What you have just read was a fictional account of a commercial for 1-800-saveMsSwa-higgins. Poor dear she is too. I can't believe that low life son of hers ran off and married a hemroid ass. Coming from the stock that he does too, bluest ass blood in all of North Dakota. Imagine, the gall! Why, Ms. Swa-higgins ass is of legend--comes from a long line of magical asses, she does. And that's all she ever wanted from the boy, for him to carry on the lineage--poor woman never had a daughter. Why I can remember when her son was but a little thing, he was sickly, you know, thin and full of jaundice. Why Ms. Swa-higgins knew he didn't need no breast milk--he needed the life giving juices of her candy ass--and so he sucked--yes he sucked at the teet of her ass for days, and he got better too, believe you me. And now this. Ingrateful Ingrate.